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1. Ian Greig ones are good for umpires

1.1. Easier to spot deflections

2. For the toss

3. Preparing, serving and washing up the tea

4. Not alcholic

4.1. Mind you Pimms would be a nice change

5. Wooden bits

5.1. Bails

5.1.1. 4 light

5.1.1.1. and a spare or two

5.1.2. 4 heavy

5.1.2.1. and a spare or two

5.1.2.2. Note for Scotsmen

5.1.2.2.1. You cannot drink these

5.2. Sightscreens

5.2.1. White

5.2.2. Taller than a bowlers arm

5.3. Boundary markers (+ rope)

5.4. Stumps x 6

5.4.1. and a spare or two

6. Players

6.1. Gentlemen

6.1.1. Do pay them

6.2. Professionals

6.2.1. Only pay them if you win

6.3. Amateur

6.3.1. Don't expect too much

6.3.2. But be prepared for a surprise

6.4. Ladies

6.4.1. It could happen

7. Drinks

7.1. After 20 overs or 90 minutes play

8. Laws of Cricket

8.1. Lords Version

8.2. The lesser spotted ones

8.3. Fast Bowling Directives for Young Players

8.3.1. Mods for 2010

9. Scorer

9.1. They do three things after each bal.

9.1.1. Umpires may only do one

9.2. The most under appreciated and essentail part of the game

10. Scoreboard Operator

10.1. A overly simple task

10.2. Required Competencies

10.2.1. Ability to communicate with the scorrer

10.2.2. Numeracy

10.2.3. or

10.2.3.1. Can push buttons

10.2.3.2. Pull levers

10.2.3.3. Move tin plates around

11. First Aid Kit

11.1. Tooth glue

11.2. Arnica

11.3. Duct Tape

11.3.1. Repairs

11.3.1.1. Bats

11.3.1.2. Stumps

11.3.1.3. Pads

11.3.2. Useful for splints

11.4. Pain Killers

11.4.1. Aspirin

11.4.2. Paracetemol

11.4.3. Nurofen

11.4.4. Shotgun

11.5. Burial at Field

11.5.1. Spade

11.5.2. Pick Axe

11.5.3. Roller

12. Coin

13. Practice equipment

13.1. Net

13.2. Catching

13.2.1. Trampoline

13.2.2. Cradle

14. Boxes x 3

14.1. Gives you two minutes to wash the outgoing one

15. With a brewery preferably

16. High Security Cage

17. Taking you back home after the pub closes

18. Umpires

18.1. 2 one for either end

18.2. A standby umpire is useful in case one of the others proves unable or too able to give LBWs

18.3. A 3rd umpire is of no use unless your game is being covered by the BBC, Channel 5 or Sky

18.4. Coins or small stones

18.4.1. 6 of

19. Ball

19.1. At least one new one

19.2. Maybe two

20. dsd

20.1. Preferably planted for several years

20.2. Mown recently

20.3. Covering a circle approx. 100 yards diameter

20.4. With a square

20.4.1. тьттитиьти

21. Weather

21.1. Dry

21.2. Warm

21.3. Not too hot

22. Tea

22.1. This also means

22.1.1. Sandwiches

22.1.2. Cake

22.1.3. Cocktail Sausages

22.1.4. Cheriton Pie if its a home game in Cheriton Hampshire

22.2. If anyone asks for coffee

22.2.1. Collect their match fee

22.2.2. And send them to Starbucks

23. Groupies

23.1. Useful for

23.1.1. Massage

24. Location

24.1. Next to a pub

24.1.1. And good lunch time food

24.1.2. Their evening menu should be irrellevant

24.1.2.1. Indicates a tea failure otherwise

24.2. Kids playground

24.2.1. or

24.2.1.1. Ball park

25. Kit Bag

25.1. Pads

25.1.1. Don't forget wicket keepers pads

25.1.1.1. Unless you have a 7' 6" one

25.2. Gloves

25.3. Thigh Pad

25.3.1. One - batsmen can share

25.4. Bats

25.4.1. Go on be modern and have a Moongoose